I already started modifying it
Facebook “Friends”
Here at BYU there is a special challenge added to dating. Dating is not just to find someone you want to marry, but someone you want to spend the rest of eternity with. With a student body in excess of 30,000 it can be daunting to try and meet girls. Facebook can be a great place to strengthen whatever relationship you may have with a girl: you can chat, exchange pictures, and you can leave messages on her wall. Facebook can also be a means of ruining your relationship because you might not spend enough time together. What impact does Facebook use have on getting into serious relationships?
Defining a relationship is a touchy subject. Each relationship is different and in different stages. A serious relationship is a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage, because both members of the relationship are interested. This does not include random hookups or flings. Serious relationships take time and communication to work properly.
To get into a serious dating relationship, it is necessary to go on dates. Facebook is a convenient way to talk with those people you have a crush on. It is virtually effortless to ask someone on a date over chatting and this process eliminates being frightened of calling the girl and saying something dumb. It is also cheaper than using up your cell phone bill. However, there is a negative signal sent to your crush by not taking the time or effort to make a phone call. Many girls in my own freshman hall said that they would not accept a date over Facebook. By asking to go on a date or hang out over Facebook it is essentially telling that person they were not worth the three minutes it would take to make the phone call. Not using Facebook to ask girls on dates is a great way to start a dating process that could lead to a relationship.
Relationships should be built around communication. In a study by Albert Mehrabian, professor emeritus of Phycology from UCLA, found results showing that 55% of communication is body language, 33% is tone of voice and only 7% is the spoken word. When using online communication that is solely based on written communication,or 7% of communication, it is easy to be misled (Mehrabian). Words typed as a joke can be taken critically. Problems and misunderstandings arise where nothing harmful was intended. Facebook interaction only allows words to be transmitted over the screen, not facial expressions, or your inflections even though the emoticons have done wonders for expression of tone. Readers of quick chat remarks are not going to be able to understand the full message and import of what you are trying to say. If you are able to get online at the same time as a person you have a significant interest in, chatting by sending words over the web is not going to further the relationship. When compared to personal, face to face communication where you can see their face and understand their emotions, Facebook does not help you get to know the person as well.
It is tempting to use Facebook when so many others do. You do not have to quit Facebook entirely. It is incredibly convenient for adding pictures, notifying of events and asking masses people advice on certain subjects. However, try to limit the amount of time you spend on chat. All the other functions of Facebook are great when used in moderation. Chat is no different. It is good occasionally but try not to chat rather than talk.
Using Facebook affects not only social communication skills, but also alters your personality and temperament. Susan Greenfield, a neuroscientist, has found that using Facebook (Derbyshire) is correlated with people having shorter attention spans and self-centered users. Larry Alan Nadig, Marriage and Family Therapists said that half of communicating is expressing how you feel, and the other half is listening and understanding how others fell. He also said that when a person does not listen it makes it difficult to communicate. (Nadig 2008). By becoming more self centered and distracted by using Facebook, it will be harder to communicate properly. Listening and paying attention are very hard to do well while chatting online. There are just too many distractions to make this form of communicating effective despite its convenience. Chatting online is no replacement for actual conversation that can take place at any time. Visit the person; find an excuse to call them on the phone, anything. So many options are available to talk without having to resort to online chat. Learning how to listen is imperative to good relationships.
If you fear leaving Facebook because everyone you know is on Facebook, then call her up for a date or to hang out so that you will both be off Facebook. This takes away her opportunity to be talking with different boys. Do not make Facebook your greatest shared interest. Ask for her number if you need it. Then when you know she can talk, give her a call. Let her know you are interested by singling her out. Make lasting memories together. Dallin H Oaks said that,” Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases (Dallin).” It is not possible to pair off over Facebook. At most Facebook can announce you are in a relationship, but certainly it should not function to get you in a relationship. If your relationship has been formed over Facebook, it shows that both of you do have commonality: Facebook. Learning how to talk, face to face can prove that you do have more in common than a computer application.
Facebook is an amazing application capable of bringing people together at BYU where it may be more difficult to do so otherwise. Although it can bring people together, it should not be the basis of forming a relationship. Relationships depend on communication to withstand arguments. Instead of only using online chat, spend more time with the girl to discover if she truly is the one that you would want to spend the rest of eternity with. Facebook, which is based of instant gratification and results, hardly produces the environment where lasting, meaningful relationships can be built to last for forever.
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